my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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