I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
