I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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