sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
