If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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