it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
