She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
