I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
