How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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