when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
