I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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