false alarm. still invincible.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
