You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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