So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
