Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
