this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
