its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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