And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
