Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
