Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
