I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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