Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
