You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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