Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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