Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
