The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
