please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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