Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
