Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
