I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
