I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
