So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
