We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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