I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
