...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
