SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
