loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
