I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
