I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
