i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How naked do you want me to be?
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