PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
