My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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