I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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