Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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