Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
