I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
