I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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