I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
