I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
