Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
