I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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