i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
