When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
