She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
