my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
