ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
