so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
