How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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