My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
